The unexpectedness of a move out in the midst of all the chaos was a hard thing to swallow. With the advice to "stay home" during this growing pandemic, I found it ironic and frustrating to be strongly encouraged to leave the home I'd built in my apartment on campus. The suddenness of moving out during finals week before Spring Break, and the bombardment of conflicting news and opinions by the media made it hard to find any time or space for processing and intention-setting during the transition. However, I wrote the following note the day before I moved out and I'm happy to feel like I created even a small space for the wide range of emotion I was feeling and that everyone is experiencing during this time. A time that seems to be leaving little room for anything besides panic. I thought I would share what I wrote and hope it gives everyone else going through similar challenges with housing, jobs, and rapid life changes, a little hope.
When I look at this blank room with blank walls, all of my stuff huddled together in boxes and bags in a pile in the middle, I'm sad. But I also know that I made this room "home", and all of my things that have made this "home," get to come with me. I can make another place home, I remind myself. I can make a thousand more places my home, even though it will always be a heartbreaking and beautiful thing. I am lucky to have already begun learning this lesson through traveling which has taught me that home is where my body is, and this serves as another reminder.
It's a real "oh fuck" moment. Of gratitude, of uncertainty, of hope, of fear, of trust, of the testing of resilience and love all around the world.
So here's to the letdown, the heartbreak, the character builder, but also to the hope, the break in context, and to another beginning.
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